The Clerical Curmudgeon - divers thoughts on the Church, the world, etc.

 Greetings, Dear and Gentle Reader.

Yesterday, 29 January, was National Curmudgeons Day.  A day which the vast majority of humanity is blithely unaware.  That date was chosen since it is the birthday of good old W.C. Fields, who on stage, screen, and in real life was a genuine curmudgeon. Most curmudgeons would celebrate the day as they do everyday, by sneering, criticizing, and grumbling about many and varied aspects of life.  It would be oxymoronic of me to wish anyone a "Happy National Curmudgeons Day", since we lot are mostly an unhappy lot.

Yes, indeed, Gentle Reader, I am proud to be a curmudgeon.  The world as it is today fills me with both fear, and loathing.  As an introvert, I do my best to avoid as much social interaction as possible.  I prefer the company of my two cats, and my books and media to any talk of sports, fashion, the weather and such.  As a conservative who loves tradition, I am not infected with the "Woke" virus, for which I daily thank Almighty God.  As a philosopher, I see the incongruities and illogical nature of that mind virus; it is based on relativism, Marxism, and a disdain for objectivity in all subjects.  As one who is cursed with a very high IQ, I have little patience in dealing with others who do not labor under such a curse.  I'm constantly having to bite my tongue and present a pleasant expression on my bearded face.

Being a curmudgeon may seem to be a lonely existence, however it is not.  I am kept company by my cats, my guardian angel, and my heavenly patrons, and above all by the constant presence of God, even when I turn from Him in sin.  I am never alone.  Yet, I do need a fellow curmudgeon, who understands the cross of curmudgeontude.  And indeed, there is such a fellow, now reigning gloriously with Christ in heavenly bliss - St. Jerome! 

Eusebius Sophronius Hieronymus, known simply St. Jerome, was born in Dalmatia around the year of Our Lord 342.  There is evidence that he was raised as a Christian, but was not baptized until in his twenties.  As a lad, he was sent to Rome for education and proved himself an able student.  While there, he was a typical young man, engaging in the various activities which we would consider sinful.  He would have bouts of repentance, but relapse time and again.  As a means of trying fortify himself against temptations, he would often visit the catacombs, which despite delighting in translating the inscriptions on the tombs, he admitted that the environment down in those tunnels scared the life out of him. It was due to the good influence of a friend, Bonosus, that Jerome finally sought baptism and began to seriously live the Christian life.

With his friend, he traveled to Trier for more studies, then to Aquileia where he met and was befriended by Rufinus, and then went on to Treves with Rufinus to translate and make copies of books for his personal library, which he would lug around with him throughout his life.  He returned to Aquileia where he had a falling out with Bonosus, thereupon treating him as an enemy. He traveled to Athens and then on to Antioch in Syria.  It was there that he embraced the life of a hermit scholar, living outside the city, in study and prayer.  It was also there that he suffered a severe illness, and he tells us of a nightmare he had during one of his fevers.  In it, he appeared before the Divine Judge and was told that he was not a Christian, but rather a Ciceronian, for where is heart was, there his treasure lay.  Due to that dream, he vowed to never again read pagan literature, and focus only on Christian writings and Sacred Scripture.  Due to pressure from the Patriarch of Antioch, Jerome allowed himself to be ordained a priest, but with permission of the Patriarch to be free from ministry so as to continue to live as a hermit and scholar.

Enjoying his freedom from any parochial responsibilities, he traveled to the Imperial capital of Constantinople, where he studied under the great Doctor of the Church, St. Gregory Nanzianzen. In 384, he ventured to Rome, where he was chosen by Pope St. Damasus, who made him his personal secretary.  Due to that exalted position, many Medieval and Renaissance artists depicted St. Jerome in the robes of a cardinal, though such a title or position did not yet exist in the Church.  The Pope also tasked Jerome with creating a new, more accurate translation of the Scriptures in Latin, resulting in what we today refer to as the Vulgate. During St. Damasus' pontificate, St. Jerome attracted followers, mostly women of the nobility, and became their spiritual director.  He advised them to live ascetical lives, and embrace total chastity.  Jerome also engaged in openly criticizing what he perceived to be the moral laxity and desire for soft living among the Roman clergy.  This won him many powerful enemies, a number of whom wanted him dead, or at least gone from the Eternal City.  At the death of Pope St. Damasus, his patron and protector, Jerome realized the danger of remaining in Rome, and so fled to the Holy Land with several of his women disciples, chiefly St. Paula, and her daughter, St. Eustochium.  There they settled on the outskirts of Bethlehem, near the Church of the Nativity, built over the site which tradition held was the birthplace of Christ.

It was there that Jerome continued to work, pray, and write copious volumes of commentaries on Scripture, letters to friends, enemies, and fellow theologians.  On 30 September 420, St. Jerome departed this life.  His body was worn out by his severe fasting and age.  His remains were originally buried in the Church of the Nativity, but brought by the Crusaders to safety, and are now enshrined in St. Peter's Basilica at the Vatican.

 You might say, "Ah, he sounds like a disliked man, but a curmudgeon, Father?"  Oh yes, indeed he was amongst the greatest and grandest of curmudgeons.  Jerome, throughout his Christian life, was an expert in "odium theologicum" - theological hatred.  He used this invective against any heresy (and there were many in his day) or perceived moral laxity he came upon.  Even saints were not spared his razor sharp wit and harsh words.  He was a prickly person who did not take criticism well at all.  God forbid if you were to fall into his crosshairs.  Jerome was not above "name calling".  He was volatile, sharp-tongued, sarcastic, and downright mean at times - even to the dead!  After his falling out with Rufinus, his former friend, he continued to mock and criticize him long after the poor fellow's death.  If you got on Jerome's wrong side, chances were you stayed there and had to endure his mockery.  

Among his choice epithets were these gems:  "two-legged donkey", "hydra-headed monster", "stupidest of mortals", "grunting pig" (against his former friend Rufinus),  "vain jackdaw" (used against St. Ambrose of Milan!), "predatory fops" who "mooch for finery" (against the Roman clergy), and referring to St. Augustine as "proud, insincere, and conniving".  

Some of his sayings, worthy of use in our current day, would be:

    "It is useless to play the lyre for an ass."

    "Avoid, as you would the plague, a clergyman who is also a man of business."

    "You have a whore's forehead; you refuse to be ashamed."

    "The friendship that can cease has never been real."

    "It is worse still to be ignorant of your ignorance."

    "Small minds can never handle great themes."

    "Ignorance of the Scriptures is ignorance of Christ."

Dear and Gentle Reader, I find in St. Jerome a kindred soul.  He was a man who had no patience with ignorance.  He did not suffer fools gladly (against the admonition of St. Paul).  He was short-tempered, sarcastic, and highly intelligent.  He was a sinner, admitted such, and embraced penance to quell his temper and tongue (rather unsuccessfully, I think).  I suffer from the same maladies.  I can be intemperate in my writing and speech.  I brook criticism badly.  I do look down on the less intelligent.  I too am a sinner, and need to do more penance and discipline.  Unlike St. Jerome, I do not have the means to live as a hermit, nor a following of holy women to provide for my needs.  I am not a linguist nor translator.  I certainly have no high-placed patrons for protection.  Yet, I do long for that day, when, God willing, I can sit down with Jerome in the glory of heaven and share a coffee and chat with him.

St. Jerome, patron of the irascible, pray for me, and all fellow curmudgeons! 

In memoriam - Gregory Male - Requiescat In Pace, sodalus morosus!